saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
