I've blown a few things in my day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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