How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
