is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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