Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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