I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
