if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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