I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
