I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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