Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
