Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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