look no pants
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
