I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
