i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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