I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
