You made me cry and you don't even care
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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