Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
