took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
