You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
