My liver just broke up with me...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
