As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize