Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
