and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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