His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize