And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
