this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
