belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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