I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
