You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
