he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
