That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
