dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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