Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
