Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
