Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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