Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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