I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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