Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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