dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
