Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you didnt know i had herpes?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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