I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
