If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
