it wasn't lemon gatorade
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
