just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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