When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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