thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
