I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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