sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
