You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
