At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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