you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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