my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
