i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize