He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
