Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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