your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
