aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
