I wish I only lived at night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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