I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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