where am i from again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
