my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
