I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
