What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
