Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
