so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
