i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
