theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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