found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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